Introducing Abu Funza...

Assalaamualaikum to all,

My name is Abu Funza, and no I'm not related to Abu Humza. I like to think of myself as a pioneer - I want to bring the fun back into fundamentalism, which will become more evident in posts to come insha'allah.

But enough small chit chat, I want to talk about something that makes me kinda concerned. See, I like to do things to help my community and I want to learn ways of doing this. That's why I like to get involved with good organisations that I know will make a difference, to help one and all, no matter what their race, colour or creed....BUT, my parents are not so cool with it.

The problem is that they are scared, the way Muslims are demonised in some parts of the media (no I don't mean Islam Channel :P), they are afraid that I might be attacked (by racists and Islamophobes) or taken away (by our lovely Prime Minister - Gordon Brown...oops I mean Tony Blair, but Brown'll be there I bet sooner rather than later).

So whenever I want to attend a conference or join an organisation, you can imagine the response I get from my mother (aka Ammi ji).....

Abu Funza: *walks in* Assalaamualaikum ammi ji, I want to join an organisation, is that ok?

Ammi ji: *turns off GEO tv* Why do you need to go to join? It's not any of that "doing good" rubbish is it?! because if it is...

Abu Funza: Naheen ammi ji, it's for learning how to help people mum, I want to join.

Ammi ji: Join schmoin, firstly I don't like you doing all this volunteering stuff ,they'll use you paagal! It's all that Tupac stuff you listen to!

Abu Funza: *takes a step back* No mum! this is something important , and by the way his name is Malcolm X not Tupac.

Ammi ji: *takes a step forward* no you can't join, and don't answer me back ok?! You were in my stomach for 9 months! Show me some respect!

Abu Funza: *puts one hand on the door handle* I'm not trying to be rude mum, I'm trying to do some important work - as a Muslim it's my duty, and don't worry I'm not joining some crazed group like Hizb-ut-Tahrir or anything - I going to join a real group who actually make a difference. Oh, by the way it's called a WOMB, not a stomach, that's scientifically impossible.

*Ammi ji picks up a BATA sandal*

KERRRSLAP!!!

Ammi ji: I said don't get rude! *kicks Abu Funza in the stomach*

Abu Funza: *writhing in pain* so is that a yes then?

*Ammi ji walks off into the horizon*

Ammi ji: No!!! you can't join or I'll call your father!

Abu Funza learns his lesson

See? How can I, or even other Muslims, get any good work done?

I want to do something good - extreme!!!

I want to go clubbing - moderate.

I want to sit on a couch, gain some extra pounds - good Muslim boy. What's up with that?!

We all know we gots to do something, yet it seems we are too afraid to do anything. Aren't we Muslim enough to do the right thing? Am I such a coward that I'm afraid of another human, rather than being afraid of Allah? Has anyone else here been too afraid to do the the right thing? And what do you think we should be doing?

So yeah, that's my introduction. Watch this space for more posts about my mum, me and a BATA slipper that really hurts :p. Peace out.

Fiamaanallah,

Abu Funza

I Woke Up...

Having recovered from the Global Unity Event that a friend dragged me to over the weekend, and I say 'dragged me to' as I'm not the biggest of fans when it comes to events such as these & i'll come to why later, it gives me a good platform to introduce myself to this new blog a few friends and I have put together.

You see, for most of my very short, bland life, I have been blind, ignorant, pacified even of what is happening in the world around me. The invasion of innocent people's lands, the wars, the oppression, the poverty, the famine, (the list is endless actually) was something I pushed to the back of my mind, my life if ever I even thought about it.

I'm embarassed to say, I got on with life happily ignoring other people's plight, other people's oppression, other people's injustice. It was when I watched 'Dispatches: The Killing Zone' (can be purchased here:)that it really hit me. I was confused with the mixed emotions I felt: anger, rage, pain, heartache, helpless to name a few.

I 'checked' myself & looked deep into my heart, I questioned the reason of my existence. Why was I placed on this earth if I was going to let injustice, oppression, illegal occupations such as the one in Palestine continue? What was I going to do to intervene on behalf of those that cannot defend themselves? Now I didn't know the answers to any of these pressing questions, but I knew that something inside me was beginning to stir and I could not shift this feeling away. I was itching for some answers, some solutions - I was sick, and I mean literally, of watching these scenes unfold before my eyes on a daily basis. I wanted solutions, I wanted to be effective, I did not want to be held accountable on the Great Day for letting these crimes go on. I set off on my quest for some answers.....(To be continued in my next post, keep tuned in for some more & why I'm not the biggest of fans when it comes to Muslim events.....)

Wasting Time...

Do you ever feel like after doing something, you’ve just wasted part of your life? After going in for a lecture on Thursday where half the class was missing, and even the goddam lecturer didn’t have the courtesy to turn up, I felt that. Watching Saw III made feel that. (Its honestly shite- don’t bother.) Reading every single one of the thirteen books from the Series of Unfortunate Events did too.
But they were my choice. I didn’t have to go see the film, especially when I didn’t particularly like the first two. I should have known that Lemony Snicket would have written a crap ending. And it was a pretty good bet people would be missing on Thursday, when we had our essays due in on the next day. So I can live with that- twas my fault. What really gets me though is when you trust the reputation of something and then it lets you down. The Observer, good newspaper you’d think? I love it and when I read an article in another newspaper that it was becoming sensationalist, I defended it. That’s why it annoys me so much when I find myself questioning that.
Yesterday I read an article about Asghar Bukhari and David Irving and I am at a loss to explain the exact point of it was. Not only did the article not flow, it also bloomin contradicted itself. Shoddy writing in a damn NEWSPAPER gets me. On the one hand it accuses Bukhari of being anti-semitic, but then makes clear that neither he or MPAC is. What?! To me that just seems like sensation for the sake of sensation. By the way anyone else curious to know how the hell a journo in the UK got hold of a letter sent to Irving SIX years ago and then traced it back to Bukhari? More to the point, why? And then I remember (don’t ask I have a head for names)- and I apologise if I’m wrong- but ain’t this the dude that smeared SOAS’s Islamic Awareness Week as anti-semitic? A coincidence...I think not.
On the other side of this debacle, we have Asghar Bukhari and MPAC. To learn their side of the story I take a quick flick onto the MPAC website (don’t you love google!). At this point I got distracted (I was told in school I had the attention span of a six year old, and I must say I agree). But, they did their rebuttal on PODCAST. That amazes me- Muslims moving into the 21st Century… And I must admit Bukhari’s points did make sense. So for them is there an upside to this article? I suppose by someone attempting to smear Bukhari/MPAC as anti-semitic, it puts them in the pack with Livingstone, MCB, Galloway, etc- a place they were no doubt aspiring to!!
Anyway, back to the beginning- I slightly digressed by getting into the article (something you’ll come to notice with more posts)- what annoyed me most was that it was something that happened SIX YEARS AGO. I don’t know, its just in my head news implies it’s new, and surely there are other items more worthy of that half a page. I felt I had wasted my life reading it. And that annoyed me so if you didn’t like reading this post- you can blame them.
So here’s a message to all those involved:
Makers of Saw III- wtf? Was it asking too much to tie up the damn loose ends, and make it slightly realistic?
Lemony Snicket- Ditto
The Observer- Get rid of the writer, nay editor, nay both and stop being so damn sensationalist. Your readers like you because you’re not supposed to be.
Asghar Bukhari- Before you give someone money, ask people if they deny the holocaust - it would save a lot of your time and as the observer would have to put in some real news, I wouldn’t get annoyed, so my time as well. Irving- actually, you’re just not worth it.

Stand up and be Counted

On November 9th 2006 Margaret Beckett, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs of this great land, asked Muslims to stand up and be counted in the fight against global terrorism. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I doubt me and her are on the same wavelength here. (Actually I doubt me and her would be on the same wavelength for anything- caravanning just ain’t my cup of tea, and don’t get me started on her hair and clothes. Is it some sort of prerequisite to becoming a politician you must not be able to look good? But that’s not the point here.) She was probably talking about those misguided “Muslims” (and those quotes aren’t typos). And whilst of course what they do and believe is to be completely condemned and totally abhorred by any sane person, anyone taking any innocent life is, global terrorism in my mind includes those heads of states that think its fine walking into a sovereign land because they feel like it- Blair, Bush, Putin this means you- and those that devise their plans- Wolfowitz, Cheney etc. Bush has cost more innocent lives in this world then any terrorist in history has and continues to do so.
But when dear old Margaret tells us to stand up and be counted what exactly does she expect us to do? The Press aren’t going to want to express normal people’s views because let’s face it, it won’t sell papers. Maybe she means by voting, but I don’t think so, cos which one of us would vote for her? Also, in school, we learnt Britain is effectively an elective dictatorship. We have elections every 4-5 years but then nothing. Hence if the government does something we don’t like between then, we the common person are virtually powerless. I know that, she knows that. Which bring me to this blog.
Me and a coupla friends were talkin about this, askin what we could actually do, when one of us had the brainwave of starting a blog. Now we ain’t going to be as arrogant and say we stand for the common Muslim, because well, what is the common Muslim? No we’re just going to express our views and if people agree, s’all good. (I speak like many are actually going to visit here.) It’s a shame this is the only place where we’ll actually get heard, rather than Margaret and her team finding us a better soapbox. We’re going to try to stand up to be counted on all issues (whilst sitting and typing- achievement I know!). Let’s hope somebody out there is doing the counting.