A cry for help

Today i am not in a very good mood. And here, dear readers, is why:

Last night after tying up a few loose ends on the computer i was extremely tired so decided to get an early night. I really felt to have a slice of cheddar, but after hearing others' bad experiences with late night cheese and odd dreams, i decided to leave it. Don't get me wrong, normally those sort of superstitions amuse me and i would have purposely eaten some cheese to see what happened, but this morning i had a driving lesson which after last lessons disaster i reckoned i should be at least half alert for(incidentally it went ok). I brushed my teeth, washed, got changed and went up to bed. I listened to a little bit of music as i always do before sleeping, played a little snooker on my phone and then got under the covers. I lay there for a few minutes drifting off.

All of a sudden i heard this noise. It sounded like when after you had done paper mache in the art room in school, and had scraped it all off, the noise that it made when the teachers made you rub the table to make sure it was squeaky clean. What the *%$&??? i muttered. It couldnae be the neighbours because, well, i live next door to a very dignified and upstanding man of the community- the local vicar, and it most definitely was not him. And i doubted it was those boys that normally parked there at time of night, because they tended to play loud music. Not rub squeaky tables. Then it hit me of course. It was the scourge of my very being, the plague of my existence (at least when i wanted to sleep), those darn unidentified ANIMALS.

Now what animals i do not know, and only care in so much so i know what sort of traps to buy and wether they'd make a good meal. (I have a strong suspicion they are foxes so i possibly won't be getting the boiling pot ready just yet) Nor do i know what they are doing out there- fighting, making love, singing, arguing- but whatever it is, it annoys the HELL out of me. How am i supposed to get to sleep when they are caterwauling out their life stories for all the rest of the animals of the 'hood to hear? And at that pitch! The only reason i know they're animals in the first place, believe me they do not sound like them, is when it first started about a year and a half ago, scaring the bejusus out of me thing as i thought there was unholy goings on happenin, i asked around and that was the answer i got. Yet no one was willing to help (they all live on the other side of the house, or are asleep when it starts) so since then i have been unable to do anything about it and i get left, as last night, not being able to sleep.

But for my sanity, please readers, does anyone out there have any ideas?