How to become a Lord

Lately we have been reading a lot of stuff in the press on the cash for honours scandal. The latest twist are the claims that Lord Levy is going to be used as a scapegoat, and some people are crying anti-Semitism. For perhaps the first and only time ever I agree with Melanie Phillips when she says “But to say he is the victim of ‘anti-Semitism’ when he is at the centre of an ongoing police investigation in which he has been arrested and bailed is simply outrageous. There is not a shred of evidence to support such an allegation. If Lord Levy is in trouble, this has nothing to do with his ethnic identity.” Here’s where we slightly differ (well I think as I don’t really understand her last paragraph- there’s a lady who needs to use more commas): in my opinion, the problem with claiming anti-Semitism (or Islamophobia or other forms of racism for that matter) when that is not the case, is extremely dangerous and harmful to the respective communities. After a while, people will get sick of hearing that so and so is anti-Semitic and stop believing. Anyone remember the story of the boy who cried wolf?

However, this is not where my interest in the case lies. In fact the whole issue really quite annoys me. Not particularly because people are buying their way into one of our great parliamentary institutions, cause let’s face it, most of the people who are in there shouldnae be anyway- heriditaries, “friends” of the parties, bishops etc. Or that it reveals how corrupt our government because, well we already knew that. No, it is the fact that the scandal has been discovered, and has been revealed to the general public so the problem will now be scrutinised and rectified.

That sounds (reads) strange doesn’t it? Normally I obviously want corruption to be cleared up as how will a country progress otherwise? Of course, unless it is in my potential interest.

Let me explain. The only guaranteed way to get into the House of Lords is brownnosing (that’s honestly the politest way I could think of to express that) the leaders of the party, and that’s just not me, but I really really REALLY want to be a Lord. My plan was therefore, one day marry rich, donate a lil money to a party of my choice, get myself a peerage. Ideally it would have been a birthday present. You get my drift? Now how’s that going to happen?

I suppose with the Lords being reformed (assuming they actually pass it) I would have to be elected anyway- but that’s just long. Pretending to be nice (when people don’t deserve it) and caring about people’s opinions when blatantly I’m going to do what I think is right- just not my cuppa tea.

Thanks to a few journalists, some dumb politicians that can’t cover their tracks very well, my dreams of being a Lord disappear……